the government thumb of sign opression

I recently had the distinct pleasure of applying for a permit to erect a sign for our condominium entrance. Being the good little president that I am expected to be, I wheeled downtown to the municipal building (or should I say, truant office) to present materials which my wife so kindly assimilated for me. After some relatively heated banter between me and the guy behind the counter--who looked like a shifty and seemingly guileful, greasy-haired car salesman (apparently an official of some sort, judging by his very cocky and smug demeanor) . . . my application was accepted and whisked off to the abyss beyond. My bets would have been that it ended up in the circular file if you know what I mean, because when he barked, I bit. Tough $hit, I say, man.

Very much to my surprise, I received in the mail today, a most illuminating letter advising me that the signage permit has been approved. Could it really be so that in under a week (literally) this paper pushing had reached completion? To this, I owe credit to Sharon, who did the PDF'ing of preliminary sketches directly past the static at the front desk, and directly into the e-mail box of the very gentleman who would ultimately be approving this permit. In short, he was expecting our application, and had issued a few hints on what we'd need. It is certainly helpful to have someone around who knows the ropes of city planning. All we need now is a lawyer in the family so that we can run completely amok. Anyway, as much as I'm being facetious, I really do love the city of Akron - it's where my life has been in a continual upward spin.

This idea of getting signage approved seems silly, at first, because they put strange rules about eavesments, and square footage on it. What strikes me as completely odd, however, is that they don't really seem to care what your sign will look like. For example, there's a prominent corner store near us called Naturally You, which appears, from a window-shopper's perspective, to be an organics store carrying various sundries from foodstuffs to dog shampoos. I'm sure their product line is outstanding; however, their signage is what is more piquing (at least to my perverted brain).

I hate to use the cliché phrase, but what's with the fine-looking cartoon spread eagle on their sign? Maybe it wasn't intended for the rendering to turn out quitely with this perspective, but someone related to me as I shared the same picture, "maybe it's a cover for a brothel."

I had to agree. All that sign needs is to incorporate a strategically placed pair of stiletto heels. Maybe that's a photoshop project for me in my downtime (downtime . . . really?). Or a good 3AM drunken project for a college student.